


Louder

by seki



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Episode Ignis Spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 01:11:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13112697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seki/pseuds/seki
Summary: The music in his head is a shameful secret, but Ignis can't bring himself to hate something so beautiful.My Ignoct Secret Santa gift for yippykyeyay on tumblr! Happy holidays, I hope you enjoy these two lovely boys.





	Louder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yippykyeyay](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Yippykyeyay).



When Ignis is four years old, he complains to his mother about it.

"All the time?" She asks, concerned. "Even when you put your fingers in your ears?"

He nods, miserable. It's a problem at school, distracting him when the teacher is talking. He knows he should be listening. It's _important_. But all he can hear is this drumming noise, _tum-tarra-dum-da-da tum-tarra-dum-da-da_ and sometimes it's so loud it almost hurts.

She hugs him, but tells him he just has to learn to ignore it. In fact, he should be careful not to let on that he hears this sound; it's a secret. Private. Does Ignis understand? Ignis nods, obedient as ever.

That evening, with the drumming lowered to a faint _tap-tap_ in his head, Ignis hears his parents talking.

"This is just like my mother and that awful man she ran off with. Fireworks inside her head, music inside Ignis's."

"We'll have to send him away," his father says. "Perhaps if he's further away, the sound will fade."

"Is that fair? He might never get to meet--"

" _Good._ We have an obligation, my love, and besides, this sort of thing isn't to be encouraged. It's bad luck. No, he'll go to Insomnia as planned, and with any luck he'll grow out of it. He knows not to tell anyone."

Ignis creeps away, back to his room. He doesn't understand fully, but he understands this: the music in his head is a secret, and a shameful one.

\--

When Ignis meets the young Prince Noctis, the drumming stops. For years, it's been there, quieter and louder by turns, a constant in the back of Ignis's mind. He's told nobody other than his mother, but at the same time, he's grown to rather like the noise. It's comforting, even if he doesn't know why it's happening. He has spent time watching orchestras, picking out the sounds and melodies that go with the drums in his head. His mother takes him in secret, makes him promise that he won't tell anyone what he hears or why he's so interested. Ignis has learned to love music, to adore anything that comes close to his own internal soundtrack.

And then suddenly, as Ignis stares at Noctis, it's gone.

As King Regis tells Ignis what a king _is_ , there is only an aching void, a silence.

Then Noctis smiles at him, that happy smile as he clasps Ignis's hand, and inside Ignis's head the drumming begins again, this time accompanied by a swell of noise, a full orchestration of brass and strings and woodwinds in a sound so beautiful it makes Ignis's heart ache. It's jubilant, magnificent, and Ignis is absolutely certain nobody in the whole world can hear it but him.

"Your… your highness," Ignis says, stunned.

King Regis keeps talking, but Ignis can barely hear him. The music fills him to the brim and drowns everything else out, words, thoughts, _everything_.

And then Noctis lets go, and the music fades down to a whispered melody for now.

\--

It's not consistent, his music. Sometimes it's loudest when Ignis is all by himself, or when he's studying with the Citadel tutors, or when he's at dinner with his uncle. When it's like this, when it's too loud for him to concentrate, he's learned to tell others it's a headache. It worries people, makes them feel his forehead and ask if he's dizzy and send him to bed to lie in the dark.

Selfishly, Ignis loves that, loves being allowed to just lie in a dimly-lit room and listen to the music as it does whatever it pleases. The beat isn't always _tum-tarra-dum-da-da_ any more, sometimes it beats faster and more complexly, and sometimes the music is almost entirely swirling violins and sometimes it's like the trumpets are fighting and -- and Ignis loves this the most -- sometimes it's slow and sultry, a moody blare of clarinets and saxophones that makes Ignis feel warm and dreamy.

When Noctis is near and Ignis can listen properly -- when Noctis is napping, for instance -- the music is… better. Not louder, just… fuller, deeper, as if Noctis's presence lets Ignis hear aspects he can't quite hear without him, makes the drums resonate and the harmonies soar in the sweetest way. Ignis already loves Noctis, in an uncomplicated way, for being his friend and his conspirator, for being himself, but for what Noctis does to the music inside him Ignis feels only _awe._

His obvious interest in music and instruments amuses the Citadel tutors. They ask him if he wants to learn an instrument, and after a few experiments Ignis decides he likes the violin because it sounds the most like one of the instruments inside him _should_. He's considered quite good at it, quite fast, although Ignis thinks the music inside him gets in the way; it makes him want to play along instead of playing the pieces he's been assigned.

One of the Citadel musicians is a composer, and Ignis nearly tells _him_ , thinking what he hears is akin -- a music inside -- but at the last minute, that old secret sense of _shame_ overtakes him. He does tell his teacher that he has a tune stuck inside his head, and she helps him write out the main melody for the violin.

He stares at the sheet, at black notes that so barely capture the grandeur in his head. It's inadequate. It doesn't carry emotion, doesn't _ring_ the way it should, and nowhere in all of this is _Noctis_. He tries playing it, to see if that helps, but the forlorn sound of a solo violin isn't enough, even if it's all he has.

That evening, in the privacy of his room, he burns the page. He doesn't need it, anyway. It's scarred into his soul.

\--

Ignis is ten when he hears music described the way it feels to him.

" _You, you make the songs complete, you put the heart in my beat, and oh all at once the music sounds so sweet,_ "sings the man on the radio, and Ignis feels his chest tighten. Someone understands. " _A melody that I can't keep, locked away inside my head and burning with the words that are unsaid, oh now how I long to hear, our soul's music in my ear."_

It's painful but perfect, feels like Ignis has been pierced to the bone. His soul's music, completed by how Noctis makes the songs sweeter. That's how it feels. This singer understands. Maybe this singer has music like Ignis does, music that sounds better and more beautiful when someone else is near.

Ignis carefully writes down the name of the song, and goes down to the shops in Insomnia's central district to find it, and he plays the tape over and over again in his room.

"Soulmate," his uncle says, picking up the tape one day. "Oh, maudlin songs about love. I thought you preferred classical music, all those concerts you used to visit with your mother?"

"I like those too."

"You know what a soulmate is, Ignis?"

Ignis shakes his head. He tried looking it up, but all he found were soppy love stories about arranged marriages and famous actresses and so on. Marks that identify them to each other, two halves of a whole when placed side-by-side, always so sweet it's sickening. "What?"

"A bad omen. Soulmates are destined to be with each other."

How can that be bad? "Isn't that a nice thing?"

"Oh, I imagine it feels nice, to them. But all the confirmed cases of soulmates end in tragedy, as if the Six give love with one hand and take life with the other."

Ignis thinks about that, and then thinks about Noctis. Maybe Noctis is his soulmate, and that's why the music sounds better when he's near. But Ignis doesn't want Noctis to be doomed, doesn't want Noctis to die tragically. His uncle sets down the tape. "Now, then, if I can tear you away from this song for five minutes, we have some protocol lessons to get on with."

\--

Noctis is sixteen, and Ignis is in love with him.

It's a secret, a shameful one that Ignis hides at the back of his head with his music and the sentimental 'soulmate' novels he's been reading for years. Noctis isn't there for Ignis to be in love with. Noctis is there for Ignis to advise, to assist, to be _a brother_ for.

But the music still blossoms into a symphony when Noctis is beside him, and his heart beats _tum-tarra-dum-da-da_ when Noctis smiles at him, and Ignis is so in love with his complicated, broody, wonderful sweet Prince that it takes his breath away just to consider it. And when Ignis thinks of Noctis in private, the music slows to match Ignis's heartbeat in lazy long measures, matches the pull of his hand on himself, dips and rises and lifts into a beautiful sustained note as pleasure pulses through him. He feels guilty about this sometimes, as if he's soiling the music by association. The music doesn't care, switches from major to minor to major again, slows and speeds, lifts him and surrounds him. It reaches a peak as he does, then mellows as he lies breathless in his bed.

Perhaps Noctis is his soulmate after all, Ignis thinks sometimes. It would make sense. Ignis's world has Noctis at its centre, Ignis's heart beats for his Prince. But for all that, Noctis doesn't act like he thinks Ignis is _his_ soulmate.

Besides, there's no external marks that Ignis can see, which means that even if it's true then it's invisible. Intangible. Nobody can prove anything. Ignis takes comfort in this: if Noctis isn't his soulmate, if the bond doesn't truly exist, then it means Noctis isn't doomed.

\--

He admits the love, at least, to Gladio, when they're in Galdin Quay.

"You're kidding. We're taking him to his _wedding_."

"I know."

"And you're okay with that?"

"I have to be. And Lady Lunafreya is a fine woman, by all accounts."

"Iggy, look, you're sure this isn't just a crush? I mean, you'll get over it, move on."

Ignis shrugs. Noctis, it turns out, has a destiny already. As Ignis understands it, his destiny is to defeat the Starscourge, to wed the Oracle, to be the Chosen King of prophecy. His destiny doesn't seem to involve Ignis in any great detail. "Who knows. But I will stand by his side, as I've promised."

"Even if it hurts?"

"Especially if it hurts."

\--

Ignis sinks down to his knees, by Noctis's side. His Prince, so close to death, and the music inside Ignis is fierce now, wild and off-tempo.

Ardyn sneers at him, and the fractured music takes hold and fills Ignis up with a purpose and determination. His spine is like steel, and his love burns like fire in his chest and ears.

This world means nothing, not without Noctis in it.

\--

For ten years, while Noctis is held in crystal, Ignis's music thins down until what sings in his head is mostly a reedy melancholic wail. A fugue, with a counterpoint that aches and resonates with loss. Ignis tries to ignore the change, pretends he hears nothing, and spends his time helping Hunters and Glaives alike. They restore power across Lucis, using Lestallum's power plant and stringing the wires back up whenever possible.

It's a fight against the encroaching night, and the borders move fluidly. They lose outposts, gain outposts. For a brief time there is even power in Insomnia, a triumph that everyone exploits by raiding stores for supplies that are so desperately needed all across Lucis.

Ignis doesn't let emotion rule him, not until they lose Galdin Quay. He watches the lights dim from the hill nearby, as the daemons wreck what is left of it. The sight, the _failure_ twists the melody into a dirge, as if it soundtracks a funeral procession.

It brings tears to his eyes, makes them sting hotly.

But he'll be strong. He's promised. Until the music in his head is dead, Noctis is still alive.

\--

Noctis's return is deafening, his triumph a victorious exultation in Ignis's head. If destiny was supposed to doom Noctis, then they have defied fate and spurned the will of the gods. Noctis is alive.

And in the aftermath, the four of them sit in the ruins of the throne room and grow nostalgic.

"You know what I miss?" Gladio says, musingly.

"Hm?"

"Iggy's violin. You remember?"

Noctis looks at Ignis, and after so long an absence it's almost cruel that Ignis feels as though he only loves this man more than ever. "You don't play any more?"

"I've not exactly had the chance. Other priorities."

"You used to play this one song on the violin when I was a kid. Never figured out what it was." Noctis hums, a melody that sparks down Ignis's spine. "And then there'd be the drums to go with it, I could almost hear them -- I loved listening, but when you saw me you'd always stop."

Ignis is sure the surprise is visible to everyone, but he keeps himself calm. "I'm surprised you even remember it."

"How could I forget? I think I've had that stuck in my head for the better part of twenty-five years." Noctis smiles, his eyes soft. "Still have, really, it's like it gets louder around you or something."

Prompto chuckles, leans in towards the tiny fire in the middle. "I remember you had me beating out the percussion for it in school a bunch. It was like he was obsessed." Prompto taps out a rhythm on his knees, _tum-tarra-dum-da-da_ , and Ignis's heart nearly stops beating as it hears the echo. "See? He made me play it so damned often."

Noctis truly heard his music? Even all those years ago? But how is that possible?

"It's like it was a part of me, even though you never played the whole thing -- god, I can hear it right now, just talking about it. So beautiful. What the hell was it called, anyway?"

They all look at Ignis, who has no answer for them. The music is in his head, _tum-tarra-dum-da-da tum-tarra-dum-da-da_ and Noctis is alive and destiny can go to hell with Ardyn.

"Specs?"

It's time to admit, here in front of everyone, that old secret shame. They've defied Noctis's doom once already, after all. And perhaps he can finally see if this music inside his head truly _is_ married to the one in Noctis's.

"Tell me, Noct," he says, and smiles, and lets his head open up to the symphony inside him, until he can barely hear himself speak. "Have you ever heard of a soulmate?"


End file.
